Tonight, it really hit me. Well, actually, it was lastnight. I used to have such passion for music. The music I would create was interesting and refreshing... experimental. It made me happy and yet very sad. Seems really self-indulgent, like I'm feeling sorry for myself. Perhaps!? I don't have the desire to create music as I once did. Of course, the Summer and Spring are my least inspired seasons. I'm a Fall and Winter inspired.
I think it was Los Angeles that did this to me. Los Angeles is the true reality of creativity. Meaning, the truth is music and creativity is business and business is money. Money drives the industry rather than creativity, originality, and passion. Once I moved to LA I realized that no one really gives a shit about anyone, but themselves. Everyone is so preoccupied with trying to be famous. It deprives them of passion. Passion gets replaced with kissing ass, compromising creativity, and politics.
I don't wish to be famous. I don't even wish to make millions off of music. I don't write and even conceive of music with dollar signs behind my eyes. I conceive it because I can and do it because I want to. I can't stop it. It comes out of me whether I like it or not. It only takes me 10 minutes to write a song. Most of the time less. I can write music all day, everyday. Music is sounds and patterns in my head. Nothing more and nothing less. I see patterns not notes. I hear sounds not notes. Notes on a page mean nothing to me.
Music is Science. You add alittle of this and a dash of that and eureka I've constructed sounds. In my case I tend to over-do it. I add so much to a song that it becomes over worked. I like big instrumentation. Anyone can do simple. Complex and intricate music is what I do best. Only problem, I don't leave much room for lyrics. In my opinion lyrics only get in the way of the sounds. This probably is a side effect of being raised on Classical Music. I feel that if the pattern of sounds can speak for themselves than lyrics are unimportant. Music is supposed to convey an emotion. Music without lyrics leaves the interpretation open to the listen instead of dictating it to the listener.
Back to my original point. I know I have lots to offer music and the world. The problem I have is that music is a business! Plain and simple... I hate it being a business. Shows like American Idol and America's Got Talent make a mockery of what I love! They make a spectacle out of people looking for fame and money. When money is your driving force there is no passion. They don't mix!
Now living in Nashville, no I don't do country... I hate country music, I am learning very quickly that Nashville has become like LA... processed and boring! I call country EMOuntry. And there is no country left in country... it's pop with a twang. It's created by talentless drones with a MAC. The business side has killed music for me! There is no other way to put it. I don't want to be a part of an industry that puts money, sex, looks, and unoriginal writing before passion and true creativity.
I have many friends who are very successful in the music biz. I can't tell them to their face that they are boring, unoriginal, and I could shit out better music than they can produce. Everyone wants a carbon copy of the guy or girl next to them. Who wants to listen to a carbon copy!? Certainly not someone with any amount of intelligence! Further, they like to hob-nob and talk about music constantly. They like to name drop, and there is a pure feeling of fake stinking up the air. I don't give a shit who's ass you kissed the night before. Famous people sit on the toilet the same way I do. They don't impress me. They are just another person in a crowd who happen to be noticed more than others.
I've hung out with celebrities and didn't realize it till someone told me. Even then all I thought was... they were nice and I enjoyed talking to them. Or, they were a real asshole and they should take the poll out of their ass and change their tampon while they're at it. The one's I did recognize didn't impress me either. I enjoy what you do for a living, but as a person you are just that... a person!
Somewhere in my dislike for the way the music industry is run I lost my passion for creating. One day I thought, why am I still writing when there is no one listening and I don't have any desire to be a part of the business end of the snake. I tried to fit into the music biz mold and it became just that... moldy. I felt sure that one day someone successful in music would recognize my unique creativity. I was so sure that someone would pluck me out the crowd and say, different is good and we want to use your talents. Not out of any desire to make money or be famous. Only to put my talents to good use and not waste them.
I love the music I write!!! I like it and that is all that matters to me. I could care less if someone else likes it. I'm not one of those people that writes to fit in. I've tried to fit in. When I try to copy someone else it sounds contrived, forced, and I hate it! Most of what I write comes out sounding different than others. I don't try to make it that way... it just happens! I can't and don't want to write music that everyone else is writing. BORING! Record Companies want every song to sound the same on an album. I want every song to be different. This will give the listener something new with each track. Keeping songs the same and in the same key through out an album is incredibly dull. I have a hard time listening to music that is Top 40. Everyone is trying to copy each other. The music all sounds the same and even the writers keep repeating themselves with each person they write for. It's mind numbing! Shouldn't people be given variety? I feel sure that if the Record Companies hadn't forced the "repeat that style and sound and note on that song and the next and the next after that", people would still be buying albums instead of songs.
I see corporate greed when I think of the music industry. I think of passionless drones paid to give a shit about an artist. Today you're everybody's meal ticket. Tomorrow, those same people will say, who is that? And then you'll be fated to history. I see executives wining about piracy... not wanting to embrace the present and the future, of distribution.
By now you have probably concluded that I am a negative person. This is not true! I am realist. I see the reality of a subject. I can honestly say I'm quite afraid of success. I am generally very private and I don't need stupid people, that's the media, picking me apart because they need something to do. I see the reality of the media.... they need someone to pick on at all times without question. The current media would have done wonders for the German's, during WWII. So, the end result is... music as a business is very off putting!
I want my music to be heard by others. So, they too, can enjoy what I enjoy creating and listening to. Yes, I enjoy listening to my own music. Why? I write it for me not others! My desire is to share what I love. That is why money does not matter to me. Make no mistake though. If I could make money off of my music... great. If not, than atleast people are listening to it. The only time I would care about money is if someone was making money off of my talent. The artist should be making the money if money to is to be made. That is why I try to buy directly from musicians wherever possible. I like cutting out the Record Companies. They only get in the way!
What I need is to find that glimmer of hope that I can reach the masses. So, others can enjoy what I enjoy. I'm absolutely terrible at the business side of things. I don't care enough about the business side. All I want to do is play my instruments and write.
Another reason music has taken a backseat is I found that my life was revolving around getting people to listen... trying to "make it", if you will. I was neglecting myself, the simplicities of life... like sitting and watching a thunderstorm. Amazing, powerful, and brilliant. I found that I wasn't hanging out with friends and enjoying them enough. I wasn't investing time in other interests... like General Science, Quantum Physics, Art of Deductive Reasoning, Psychology, History, Politics, and Acting. Life is far too short to limit myself to one subject. I am even exploring painting, playing Rugby, and even decorating condo's and hosting open houses. All while juggling a job, passions, marriage, and my doggy. Music is my biggest and greatest passion and always will! An ideal career in music would be Enya's path. No touring, hardly any industry events, and still being heard worldwide. She has lots of time to work on music and pursue other interests.
Any advice on how to get myself motivated without taking too much time away from my life, is appreciated. I have to have a reason for pursuing something. I don't consider music a hobby. It is something I've always wanted to do on a large scale. I do have a career, as such. This is so I can have an income without being a starving artist with lots of interests.
For now I bid you a goodnight and a brilliant tomorrow.
No comments:
Post a Comment